Monday, June 25, 2012

Book trailer -- second draft

Thank you for all the great feedback -- I think it's definitely better now!

Any other problems jump out at you?

I also shot a brief bit to say hello and... well, it's me, what do you want. Nothing is going to keep me from cringing at the sight of it. I'll put it after the trailer and then list the picture and sound effect credits.

Then I need to polish up the story portion of the Kickstarter project, polish up the sample of the story, and we may be ready. The financial arrangements went through.

Urgh. Butterflies. Just keep writing, just keep writing...

Compare to the first draft!


Elizabeth Twist said...

@31 seconds: "She's not ready for -"

and then @37 seconds: " - or the kingdom's only prince"

I'm not sure if " - or" is a continuation of "for - "? Those two bits don't make sense to me.

In general, the trailer is very specific in some places (like where you mention the "Frostbite" charm) and very general / vague in others. "A possible ally" doesn't tell me enough to make it clear why Kate wants to cross the mountain, and I would like to know who "them" is in "she must keep them alive" (@50). I wonder if more can be done to make it clearer why the mission has to happen at all, or how it will solve the problem of the impending war. Why does Kate want what she wants?

I hope that's not too much critique. Overall the trailer looks great.

Good luck with all this. I would love to interview you about the decision to open a Kickstarter campaign and how you're going about it, if you want to post something over at my blog.

Ellis Bergstresser said...

It is possible that teaser trailer content (as opposed to visuals) should only be evaluated by people who haven't read what is being teased. Having read the prior comment, I can see the sense in her content issues.

I think the visuals are very well done (considering that you don't have a Pixar animation studio at your disposal) and I like the changes you made to the text and the eyes.

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