Monday, May 23, 2011

Power of Tension Blogfest


Check out the Power of Tension Blogfest at Cally Jackson Writes and Rachel Morgan Writes! I'm entering an excerpt from the middle of my hard SF/horror short story "The Rookery":


Danika pointed to something in the wall, looking at me pointedly over her shoulder. I recognized the crescent shape, the smooth bit of dome. Portion of an eye socket and skull. Human. And then we heard the noise and she snapped the bolt rifle up, ready.

I know. Hard vacuum. Sound’s impossible. Past the end of the wall and the opening it created, a hallway led off the great room toward a lonely emergency light by the airlock. Then a shadow moved in the light cast by the opening, and the noise started again.

A series of clicks, followed by a chorus of soft, crooning calls. Kee-ah, kee-ah. Two clicks, and the crooning stopped. Danika touched the stone with one hand and glided slowly toward the end of the wall. Her toes dragged, bringing her to a stop as she peeked around the corner, over the rifle’s sights.

“Payge,” she whispered over the intercom, “see where the hall is, there?” Indicated the next emergency light. “Gap’s about two meters. Come up here and on my mark, go. Don’t look, just go.”

Claire shot me a wide-eyed look. I crept alongside Danika and gathered up my feet underneath me, waited. When her hand moved, I kicked hard and shot across the gap between the brown wall and the stone hallway the ‘steaders had cut. I couldn’t help it, I looked as I went.

Too much to see in the second I saw it: a mass of slithering limbs, three small bat-winged flyers eagerly hopping and flapping, their reptilian, toothed jaws open in anticipation. Their tentacled master held a treat just out of their reach: a human arm, torn off at the shoulder.

Feedback welcome!

Got the Made of Awesome blogfest starting Friday too!

25 comments:

Charity Bradford said...

Ha! Loved that the MC looked anyway. Nice to meet you and looking forward to reading more.

Crystal Collier said...

Definitely tense. Leaves me curious.

Susan Fields said...

Ewww...she shouldn't have looked! Great entry!

Libby said...

You had me right here:
a mass of slithering limbs

loved it.

Grace said...

Ewwwwwwww :) Good stuff!

ali said...

Whoa. There's a lot to love in that segment! The writing's strong, too. The only thing I'd say is to watch for repeated words. There's a couple paragraphs where you have words repeated and their noticeable because they are so close together. Otherwise, this is awesome! I LOVED the part where she can't help but look and YUCK! what she sees! That was pure awesome.

Sarah Ketley said...

So where are these characters :-)

great entry and good luck

sarah

Brenda Drake said...

Okay, not a good one to read right before bed. Great entry - I'm be dreaming of a mass of slithering legs all night. LOL! :D

Cally Jackson said...

Errrrgggghhhhh. A human arm as a treat. Gross! You had me cringing as I read.

Thanks for entering, L!

stu said...

I like the way you've used very short, abrupt phrases to ratchet up the tension here.

Amy said...

Oh wow, super creepy! Loved it! :)

Raquel Byrnes said...

The quiet and whispering really made me tense and then the slithering surprised me! Loved this.
Edge of Your Seat Romance

Sari Webb said...

Freaky! Definitely a monstor you don't wanna cross. Awesome tension in this scene. :)

Sarah said...

Wow. Definitely want to know more! Also, loved the line "Too much to see in the second I saw it". Completely sets the mood up for your description. Lot's going on here in a small amount of time.

Siv Maria said...

Thats it for me! Why are there so many creepy stories...lol! I am going to have some serious bad dreams tonight. I should learn my lesson and read these during the day. Good job building the tension and great visuals. Goose bumps....

Stephanie M said...

Awesome. Loved that she couldn't help looking and the whole thing gave me chills. I was a little confused at the beginning. I couldn't figure how the skeleton had ended up in the wall. The notion of it was quite creepy, though.

Gabrielle said...

Wow. That was creepy! I got a fairly good sense of the story in spite of the word limit, which is good. It cracks me up that Payge looked although she wasn't supposed to - the thing she saw didn't make me laugh so much as creep me out! Anyway, nice writing.

Michael Di Gesu said...

Yikes,

That was disturbing... A human arm? Great tension and description.

Rachel Russell said...

That was wonderful! As well as tense and gross. Great job.

Ellie Garratt said...

Science fiction and horror - I like it! Deliciously dark and tense!

Power Of Tension Blogfest

Lady Gwen said...

Now that's tension! Great job:)

Rachel Morgan said...

Well there's certainly tension in there! And I would have also had a hard time not looking!

Thanks for entering :-)

Crystal said...

See, that's exactly what people should never do to me - I would SO have looked, too, just because I was told not to! Lol... Excellent entry.

Susanna Leonard Hill said...

Loved that the MC looked anyway - exactly as I would have been unable to stop myself from doing!

stickynotestories said...

Of course she had to look - I would have too! Great tension :)

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...