Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Lucky 7 plus a red pen

There was an open tag for the Lucky 7 meme and I need some blog filler, so... (CAUTION: violence ahead)

The rules:

1. Go to page 77 of your current MS/WIP
2. Go to line 7
3. Copy down the next 7 lines, sentences, or paragraphs, and post them as they’re written.
4. Tag 7 authors
5. Let them know


From Disciple, Part III: Embers on the Wind

Parselev spun the charm through me, sending it down my arm and into the captain. I watched his windpipe knit shut and the slash close before my eyes. Loshadsky went limp as the pain faded, eyes falling shut. My teacher pulled me to my feet by my hand.

“It was good work, nonetheless,” he told me.

“Let him keep his head,” Kiefan announced, turning to his father. The Arceal envoy sat on his knees before the king, hands spread and empty, disarmed. “He can return this one.”

Kiefan put his boot on Dennode’s ruined chest, bones crunching further, and tore the man’s head off with a hard twist and a pull. He slung it and the envoy caught it in his belly, falling back onto his ass from the impact.

King Wilhelm gave him a kick for good measure. “Get out of my city. You! What did you know of this?” He pointed with his drawn sword, at the remaining Suevi.

Sir Theo had pulled Bídon aside, leaning close with urgent eyes. The king’s demand turned them both, at attention. “He knew nothing, Majesty,” Sir Theo answered.

“You would say so.”

 
That's completely raw, unrevised text and I cringe at the sight of it. I can't help hitting it with some red ink.


Parselev spun the charm through me, sending it down my arm and into the captain. I watched His windpipe knit shut and the his slashed throat closed before my eyes. Loshadsky went fell limp as the pain faded, eyes falling sliding shut.

My teacher pulled me to my feet by my hand. “It was good work, nonetheless,” he told me said.

“Let him keep his head,” Kiefan announced, turning to his father [do something more interesting/relevant]. “He can return this one.”

The Arceal envoy sat on his knees before the king, hands spread and empty, disarmed. [add something to fill this out] “He can return this one.”

Kiefan put set his boot on Dennode’s ruined chest, bones crunching further, and tore the man’s head off with a hard twist and a pull. He slung it and the envoy caught it the bloody thing in his belly, falling back onto his ass from the impact.

King Wilhelm gave him a kicked him for good measure. “Get out of my city. You! What did you know of this?” He pointed, with his drawn sword, at the remaining Suevi.

Sir Theo had pulled Bídon aside to one side, leaning close with in urgent eyes discussion. The king’s demand turned them both, at attention. “He knew nothing, Majesty,” Sir Theo answered.

“You would say so.”


That's a start. Copy/paste into Scrivener and it will get more work as I revise Part III.

I'll make this an open tag, too. Everybody reading, consider yourself tagged. You don't have to revise what you post -- that was just me being self-conscious. Though it might make an interesting addition to the meme...
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